More than I can chew.

A couple of weekends ago, I went to check out Pushies Galore, a Bike Meet here in Brisbane.

There was a bike show with a huge range of bikes from lowriders to fixies to old school BMX bikes. Despite the range of bikes, there was not a single modern bike. Every bike was from the time when craftsmanship and finishing quality was rated more highly than aerodynamics and weight.

What was most interesting was the number of bikes that were hand made in Brisbane. I assumed that it just didn't happen anymore, but there was a variety of hand made bikes. In fact, the winner of the 'Made in BNE' category just happened to be the mechanic from the Fortitude Valley store!

This got me thinking. I would love to build up a nice steel bike; something with class. I checked out some old school frames on eBay, but then it occurred to me... why not just build my own frame?

I found some steel tubing, lugs and all the other bits and pieces. But I made the usual male mistake.... Like assembling furniture from Ikea, I tend to try first, then look at the instructions later. I did some research about frame building and it is a HELL OF A LOT HARDER than I had anticipated. It seems to require some very large and expensive tools as well as some other stuff that I don't even know where to start looking for.

 

I have a feeling that I have bitten off more than I can chew.

Tour de France Hair Styles

I was flicking through the standings on the SBS Tour De France Tracker App on the iPad and I was shocked at the decline in hair styles since the King himself, Mario Cipollini graced the Tour with his flowing locks. Well, the flowing was usually highly restricted by hair product but Mario was the king of style.

A couple of Argos Shimano riders, Koen De Kort and Roy Curvers, look like they are trying to mimic Mario’s greasy style but are failing miserably. But they are just the start of it all...

 

FDJ-Big Mat have brought their own Justin Bieber look alike in Arthur Vichot...

Robert Kiserlovski looks like he is cutting his hair so his helmet fits better...

Meanwhile, Vladimir Karpets should not be allowed back into the peleton after his previous fails...

After his return from a 2 year suspension for doping, I think I know what Alejandro Valverde was doing. Advanced Hair, Valverde???

Then there is Luis Mardones from Cofidis who is packing a rat's tail...

Despite all of these, I think this guy, although he is not in the Pro Peleton today, tops everyone. SPEED MULLET!

Brews Brothers

In a couple of months, a friend of mine is due to be wed, and needless to say, planning for the event (more importantly, the Buck’s night) has already begun. As part of the preparations, my friend decided to brew his own beer for the evening.

Now this doesn’t mean we were throwing something together in plastic bag-lined garbage bins in someone’s garage.  Brews Brothers is a microbrewery located in Woolloongaba that provides all the equipment and ingredients you need to brew your own beer. A few weeks before you need the beer, you can head in, sample a few brews, choose from their big list of beer recipes and get a batch ready for your event. Then just before you need it, you come back and bottle your home made brew for freshly made beer on the night. So last night, we headed in and prepared a keg of Heffeweizen, a wheat beer.

When you first walk in, you can’t help but notice that Brews Brothers is the ultimate man’s cave. At the entrance there is an old school arcade game and pinball machine. Then there is a television with a documentary about the Heineken Factory playing on repeat whilst tunes are coming from the stereo. The entire room is filled with beer paraphernalia from miniature XXXX men to books about beer history to retro keg refrigerators.  At the back of the room is the beer brewing area and a giant cold room where your beer brews. While you are waiting, there is a bar and a number of tables that are littered with porno magazines for you to peruse. A young lady named Jess helps you make your batch of beer so I couldn’t help but feel a little awkward flicking through the latest People Magazine while I waited.

When I found out that we were brewing beer, I had imagined quite a complicated process involving thermometers and a chemistry lab-like set up. They explained the process to us in about 30 seconds and after understanding pretty much nothing, I was sure we were going to screw it up. It turns out, brewing beer isn’t that difficult.

Once you have selected your brew, you simply get the ingredient card, collect what you need and pretty much dump it into a giant heated vat over the next hour or so. Stir it a few times and then pour it into a plastic keg which goes into the cold room. The cold room looks like some sort of terrorists’ chemical manufacturing plant with barrels of brown liquid and pipes joining them together.

 

Inside the cold room, there was a huge range of beers from locals that use the facilities to brew and store their own beer to commercial companies that brew some crazy beers like ‘Espresso Stout’  and ‘Chili Ginger Beer’. In about 3-4weeks, we will be heading back to Brews Brothers to check on our brew and pump it into a keg, ready for drinking.

Feeling old & out dated?

Last weekend I had a work function that involved several beverages on a Sunday night. We had a fairly quiet sit down dinner that finished relatively early (or relatively late for me) and a few of the younger people decided to head across the road to a pub, to carry on the celebrations.

They asked me to join them and since it has been an eon since I last went out on the town, I decided to join them. We walked into the pub and there was no one in there. I thought, ‘Its Sunday night. No one is going to be out on a Sunday night’. We turned right, walked through a doorway and suddenly we were in a night club.

I felt old. The room was filled with girls dressed like a post Mean Girls – pre jail time Lindsay Lohan and guys that were struggling to have the right amount of hair sticking out the front of their beanie and ensure that their jeans were falling down just the right amount. Surely this was some sort of fancy dress party? People couldn’t possibly WANT to dress like this?

I wonder if I was that lame when I was that age? Sure, I can understand the desire to dress like famous music celebrities but when I was out on the town, we had it easy. If you wanted to dress like a music celebrity, you grew your hair long and never washed it, then put on a pair of torn jeans and a crappy t-shirt. Just like Curt Cobain, Pearl Jam or the Chilli Peppers did. Now it seems like it’s cool to dress like a cross between Harry Potter and Justin Beiber.

Sadly, there was one thing that has not changed. Spattered throughout the mix of the latest top 40, were songs from my era and even sadder was the fact that everyone still knew the words. My generation suffered through the Spice Girls & Hanson so that others wouldn’t have to. Yet the Lindsay Lohans and even the Harry Beibers were on the dance floor screaming the words to Wannabe at each other.

After one drink, I called it a night and went home in a state of shock. Has it really been that long since I’ve been out? Maybe torn jeans and a crappy t-shirt just doesn’t cut it anymore?

So this week, after being inspired by an advertisement for One Direction, I ventured out to purchase a pair of black jeans (I actually needed a pair for work). The lady at the jeans store brought me over a pair of ‘skinny’ jeans and perhaps it’s because of my muscular thick thighs, but they were harder to get on than my cycling kit and about 3 times more uncomfortable. How the hell do people walk, never mind, skateboard in a pair of those things??

So now I am the proud owner of some black jeans. The guys at work have told me that I need to start rolling up the legs to just above the ankles but I’m only going one step at a time. I’ve become everything I hate.

**On a side note... When Harry Beiber goes to get a haircut, what do they ask for?? ‘Give me a Justin Beiber or a tall guy from One Direction cut’?? Get a styled hair cut is on my list of things to do this year and I am thinking of going into the hair dresser and just asking for a ‘Ryan Gosling’. Is that how it works?

Melbourne Cycling

Last week I had to travel to Melbourne for work for 5 days. That much time off the bike usually results in me putting on about 6kg so I decided to take my bike with me. I was warned that it was going to be cold, but it couldn’t possibly be that bad.

I arrived mid-morning on Tuesday to a warm, sunny day with blue skies. The taxi driver noted that I had a bike with me and said that I was lucky to have missed that morning’s weather as it had dropped below 5 degrees, the coldest morning so far this year. Blinded by the warm sunshine, I fobbed off his comments, convinced that it couldn’t possibly be that cold.

When I arrived at work, three other people told me that it had been stupidly cold that morning so at 6:30pm, when I had to ride to my hotel, I put on all of my winter gear. Within 1km, I was sweating bullets, convinced that Melbourne cyclists were a bunch of whining cowards. At my hotel, I was blessed with a heater, which I left cranked up through the night. So much so, that I woke up in the middle of the night and had to remove a layer of blanket because it was too hot. Unfortunately, this also gave me a false sense of security of the outside temperature.

During the week, I had researched some Melbourne bunch rides and was surprised that there was a large number to choose from. Even in the cold, there was a number of morning bunch rides as well as evening rides that went up to distances of around 100km! I chose to do the North Rd Ride which had a group leaving at 5:45am. I put on all of my winter riding gear and walked outside with my bike to be slapped in the face by a 5 degree chill. I rolled down to the starting point positive that no one in their right mind would be riding in these conditions and thought to myself, if less than 5 people show up, I’m going back to bed.  

I pulled up and there was already about 15 people there. This quickly grew to 20… 30… 40 people. By the time we picked up all the stragglers, there was about 60 people in the bunch, all keen to ride in the freezing cold. We headed down the Nepean Hwy in a dead straight line. After about 30km, half the bunch turned off to do the ‘shorter’ loop. I continued on to do the longer 70km-ish loop. We continued on in a dead straight line for about another 20km and I started to worry about how far we were going.

I asked around in the bunch, and apparently, they had decided to try a new route that was going to be about 110km in total! So now I was 50km away and was supposed to be at work in 1.5hrs! Although it was just past 7am, I still had all my lights on and was absolutely freezing. We turned off the highway and one of the riders in the bunch punctured. The whole group stopped for him to change it, and as we got going again, another person punctured and I decided that I could wait no longer.

I took off alone and calculated that I could still make it back in time. Fortunately, Melbourne is stupidly flat, so you can maintain a good speed over long distances. At 7.25am, it was finally light enough to turn my lights off, however, it didn’t help that I had no idea where I was going. I took a few wrong turns and made it to work about 15mins late after doing 120km.

So I now have a new respect for Melbourne cyclists. The fact that so many people get out to ride in such cold conditions astounds me. For the rest of the week, I didn’t do anymore early rides. Knowing how cold it was outside made it all too easy to sleep in.

Cheaper alternatives

For those that love analysing data and measuring absolutely every aspect of a ride, there are a plethora of various devices that you can strap to your bike and later hook up to your computer to upload your ride.

It all started with the humble cycling computer that displayed your speed, distance and time. Then came the computers that included your cadence and even came in wireless options. Some models then started to record your heart rate and use this to estimate the number of calories that you burn while you exercise. Following this, computers that contained a barometer could record your altitude and give you a profile of your ride at the end. This then expanded into the realm of GPS to allow you to accurately record your ride and map it out for you afterwards. Now you can mount a full map and navigation system  to your bike so you never get lost.

More recently, I have noticed a large number of cyclists that have decided to mount video cameras to their bikes and record rides. I’m not sure if this is to catch out aggravated drivers that decide to cut a cyclist off or drive dangerously close, or if it is simply to capture footage of a ride and post it on YouTube for the world to see. Either way, it’s getting to the point where people need extensions on their handlebars to accommodate all of the gadgets they use... computers, heart rate monitors, video cameras, lights, higher powered lights with battery packs etc etc etc.

All of these gizmos don’t come cheaply either... $649 for a Garmin computer with Maps and heart rate. Then it’s another $400-600 for a video camera plus more for a memory card and software. Then it’s even more $$ for a protective case and bike mount!!! What really baffles me, is that most people carry a device with them that already does all of this plus more. Imagine if you already had a device that could map your rides, record your HR, cadence, speed, etc, give you directions, sync with a power meter, record video footage, play music for you AND you can make phone calls on it!!!

The humble iPhone is already able to do this, yet people spend a fortune on other devices to do the same thing! Garmin has just released an App called ‘Garmin Fit’ that records all of your time, distance and GPS fields.

For around $50, you can get the Garmin iPhone adapter. This little chip allows the iPhone to communicate with wireless ANT+ devices like HR monitors, cadence sensors and Power Meters.

The reason a lot people don’t like using an iPhone as a cycling computer is because it’s quite big and most mounts on the market are, well, butt ugly. Topeak has just released an iPhone mount called the ‘Ride Case’. It screws into the steerer tube top cap and even tilts up and down so that if you want to record video footage of your ride, you can. For only $50, it sure beats a $500 camera.

So for about $170 in total, you can get the software, adapter, HR monitor, cadence sensor and bike mount. If you were to get these devices separately, it would be over $1000!!!

Despite already having an iPhone and knowing about these cheaper alternatives... I still have a separate Garmin.

You know you have a problem if...

If you can tick off half of the following, then you have a problem. If you can tick off 3/4, then you should probably see someone about it. If you can tick off 90%, then we should go for a ride!!

You know you have a problem if...

Your Facebook profile picture is you riding a bike.

You refuse to fly Jetstar because they are not bike friendly.

Driving somewhere confuses you because you are used to taking the bike route.

Most of your laundry is taken up by cycling kit.

You have or have had in the past, a subscription to RIDE, Bicycling Australia or any other cycling magazine.

If a cyclist goes past you when out in public, you turn to see if you know them.

If your friends go for a ride and you sleep in, you are angry at them (and yourself).

You favourites bar has more than 5 cycling related websites in it.

You absolutely cannot stand walking anywhere!

Your partner refers to your bike as the 'Mistress', 'Other Woman' or 'Significant Other'.

You check cyclingnews more than twice per day.

Your bike costs more than your car.

You 'NEED' to upgrade your bike because SRAM 2012 just came out and and Dura Ace 9000 is coming.

You knew that Dura Ace 9000 series is coming.

You keep your 'good bike' inside the house.

Every room in your house has at least one piece of cycling related paraphenalia in it.

You live by the motto, 'Why stand when you can sit, why sit when you can lay down and why stay awake when you can go to sleep'!

You know who Phil Anderson, Miguel Indurain, Jacques Anquetil or Bernard Hinault are.

You have or plan at some time in the future to go to France to follow the Tour.

You have more than 3 sets of wheels.

You have a folder for cycling related Apps on your iPhone.

You wear cycling socks while you are at work.

Now be honest here... How many of the above statements apply to you? 10? 12? 15? More than 15??? Well, the saddest part is... ALL of the above statements where based on myself.

Supermarket Sherpa

Much to my wife's dislike, I rarely involve myself in the ritual that is the weekly grocery shop. Usually, I am out riding my bike or working or riding my bike or away at a race, riding my bike. Food seems to just magically appear in our cupboards each week and I'm not sure where our never ending bottle of milk came from but it is a blessing.

When I do manage to make the rare appearance at the supermarket with my wife, I've usually just finished a ride and am starving. Consequently, I walk around and grab pretty much everything the shelves and throw it into the trolley. Later, on a full stomach, I wonder what I was thinking when I picked up that 20 pack of donuts.

Due to this habit, I have been put on a short leash whilst shopping for groceries. My duties revolve around pushing the shopping trolley and guarding my wife's hand bag as she gathers things from the shopping list. I am given some leeway in the form of three (and three only) impulse purchases. I need to choose carefully and be sure that I don't waste any of them on something frivilous like tic tacs.

With only three impulse purchases allowed, I have had to be quite careful in my choices. So much so, that I have had to develop some guidelines and 'cheats' that I can employ.

1. Two for one deals only count as one purchase.
2. Buying bulk items like ice-cream may seem wise, but it means I need to wait until I get home to reap the rewards
3. Multi-packs are the way to go. It means I get one now and even more later.
4. If I can convince Emily the an item is a 'necessity', then it doesn't count.
5. I need to weigh up time vs reward when selecting food. If it takes more time or more calories to prepare the food than it does to eat, its just not worth it. For example: prawns are way too much effort for the reward as are difficult to peel mandarins. Water melon may seem like an okay choice but when you factor in clean up time, its not worth it. Basically, I want instant satisfaction.

So, based on these guidelines (and an empty stomach), I chose a turkish delight and picnic bar (a 2for1 deal), a strawberry flavoured milk that didn't make it out of the supermarket and a box of sultana bran (mainly because I always get blamed for finishing off Emily's home made muesli but never contributing to the manufacturing process). In retrospect, I probably could have convinced Emily that the last one was a necessity. Damn it.

QLD Team Series Rnd 3

The 3^rd round of the QLD Team Series kicked off with a 15km individual time trial around an undulating loop at Gatton. Every time trial that I have ever done has hurt like hell but for some reason, I’m always overly confident and optimistic before the start of the next one. A lengthy warm up means the legs feel good and I can’t help but anticipate a fast time. I forget the last time trial that I did and how much it hurt to somehow convince myself that I am going to absolutely smash this one.

30sec into the time trial and all optimism goes out of the window. I remember why I don’t like them as I struggle for oxygen on a usually ill-fitting time trial bike that I haven’t ridden enough to be comfortable on. This time trial was no different. I crossed the line with a dry mouth and burning legs, hoping that I beat Tim’s time because I told him I would in a moment of blind confidence before the start.

I finished in 22^nd place. A full 30 seconds behind Tim. At this point, I start to think about where I lost time... 5 seconds when I stuffed around with my water bottle. 5 seconds when I braked for that corner. 5 seconds when I free wheeled down the hill. 5 seconds when I didn’t change gears going up the hill. Etc etc etc. Why didn’t I just pedal harder??? Oh that’s right, cause I was in a world of pain! Thank goodness for hindsight.

Stage 2 was on the same course as the road race, taking in 7 laps of the 15km loop. As it was the first relatively flat stage in the QTS, all of the sprinters were hopeful and keen for their chance to shine. A bunch sprint was inevitable, so the plan was to conserve energy and finish as high as possible.

The race went by relatively uneventfully, with break aways barely getting 20m up the road before they are reeled back in. At the end of the 4^th lap, we began the descent into the finish when my front tyre exploded. We were on the fastest section of the course and strung out in single file. With the team car in the final position in the convoy, I had to wait for what felt like an eternity for a spare wheel. I pulled over, and out of pure habit, I pulled the rear wheel out of my bike, usually the tyre that suffers a puncture. I realised that I had it wrong and put it back in, hoping that the tv camera that was filming me didn’t pick up on my error. I took out the front wheel as Bruce handed me a spare before starting my chase in the hardest possible gear that I had.

Bruce made his way to the car and then back in front of me to draft me back onto the bunch. ¾ of a lap later, I managed to just make my way back through the convoy and onto the tail of the peleton. I was relieved because due to my efforts, my right hamstring was threatening to cramp at any moment. Waiting at the back of the bunch was Matt and Andy who were quick to say, ‘right, lets get you back up the front’. Aware of my hamstring’s situation, I took some time to recover and refuel myself.

I made my way to the front of the race, just in time to see a small group of 5 riders slowly roll off ahead of the bunch. No one seemed intent on chasing and as we were halfway around the final lap, they had a gap of about 150m. With 4km to go, I pounced of the front of the bunch, only to be met by an angry hamstring. I was swallowed up and did my best to avoid the usual final km carnage to cross the line in the middle of the field. Fortunately, Matt & Brad were far better positioned and finished in 12^th and 15^th positions respectively.

The following day, we returned to Gatton for the far more hilly stage 3. We had 5 laps of a 21km circuit that took in a short but painful climb. After a few undulations, we were met with a 200m climb to the KOM but for some reason, it felt like the longest 200m of my life. After 3 laps, I was pretty sure that I was not going to make it over the final two KOM’s in the bunch. My hamstring was still a little upset at me for the previous day’s effort and was getting angrier with every lap.Matt was fighting gravity each lap which left Brad, Andy and myself to search for points in the top 30 positions.

Lap 4 went over the KOM in a, thankfully, subdued manner which meant that I only had to hang on for one more lap. As we headed into the climb for the final time, I made my way to the front to give me maximum ‘backward drift’ distance as we went up. I was managing fine until 50m from the top when a touch of wheels saw two riders hit the bitumen in front of me. I braked and swerved to get around it and leave myself with a small gap to close. I made it back across and fought my way forward again. The sprint for the finish was slightly uphill, which made it look almost slow motion as everyone gave it their all. I crossed the line hopeful that I had made it inside the top 30 where points could be maximised, only to be disappointed to discover that I had finished in 32^nd place.

BOTB

Riding for a Masters Team has many benefits: The guys have years of experience. They are always well prepared for races and have thought of pretty much everything. And if you are all in a group together, they make you look deceptively younger with more hair. Despite this, during Open events, it means that they race in their own category and the younger guys are left to fend for themselves. At the Battle on the Border a couple of weeks ago, Oliver and I were left to race in A-Grade, whilst the rest of the team fought it out in the Masters A category.

Things did not start out well for Oliver. In the opening time trial, his run was interrupted by several cars that pulled out onto the course in front of him. Not expecting to be an overall contender, this didn’t faze Ollie, as he was hoping to help me better my position in the road races after finishing the time trial in 9^th position.

Stage two was 142km long with 3 laps of an undulating course. On the first lap, we hit the climb and Ollie dropped down to the small chainring only to have his chain fall off. He stopped to rectify the problem then chased the peleton down to rejoin the front group. This, in itself, is no mean feat and I was shocked to see him make it back. 

At the start of the 2^nd lap, I was sitting behind Oliver as we rolled through the start/finish line. With an extremely loud BANG and a puff of white powder, Oliver’s rear tyre exploded and he was again left standing on the side of the road. Any normal person would have had enough by now and called it a day but Ollie got a spare wheel, got back on his bike and chased the bunch down again on possibly the fastest part of the course. I was even more surprised to see him make it back a second time.

A quarter of the way around the last lap, a small group of riders was left at the pointy end of the race. Fortunately, Oliver and myself were included. On a flat, dead straight section of road, a rider, for whatever reason, moved out from the bunch. As he did so, he took out Oliver’s front wheel and he hit the ground, landing on his shoulder.

After previously breaking his collar bone, the pain made him think the worst, however, a trip to the hospital confirmed that it wasn’t broken and it was more likely dislocated.  Either way, his race was done. After a day of exceptionally bad luck, I suggested Oliver buy a lottery ticket, as it could only get better, but I think he was so high on Morphine that he can’t remember.

This left just myself to represent the Mainline team in A-grade and also made it very difficult to have a large effect on the race proceedings. I decided to sit in and hopefully finish the race in the front group. After time bonuses were rewarded for stage 2, I was sitting in 13^th position overall with another road race and tight street criterium remaining.

Stage 3 saw the race ascend what I considered a fairly hefty climb 3 times in total, and I was hoping to just hang on. The first and second ascents up the hill were at a relatively easy pace but the 3^rd was much faster and after the legs had over 100km already in them. I managed to just hang on to the front half of the group and head towards the finish line in the bunch. The finish saw no change to the overall standings.

The last stage was a tight criterium with many sharp turns. Having raced it a number of times in the past, I knew position at the start was key as it was very easy for a gap to open up and to lose contact with the front. I got to the start line 15 minutes early and still had to push my way forward. With the main contender’s teams at the front of the race, I was now hoping to Steven Bradbury my way into the top ten. After 45mins and a couple of crashes, I was still sitting comfortably near the front. Fortunately, a couple of riders in front of me in the overall standings were poorly positioned at the start of the race and were withdrawn after being lapped. In the aftermath, I managed to claw my way up to 11^th position overall, just 18sec short of the top 10. I managed to make up 2 places, but it was no Steven Bradbury.